Non-fiction Essay Revisions

Whenever it comes up in conversations I cringe. My friends jump on it in a second; almost proud to be the ones who get to recite the story to anyone who will listen. That night haunts me like a monster in the closet haunts a small child. There’s nothing I can do about it though, it’s in the past and I have to live with it. I have to live with it because every time my friends and I drink together they feel compelled to recount the events of the night I almost died, the night my life was torn to shreds, the night that resulted in months of depression. I don’t care that they tell the story; to them it’s something to be proud of. They weren’t even there the night I got my underage, all they know is what I told them. What they don’t know is the misery I went through after. They have no idea how hard it was for me the make it through the summer and how I withdrew into myself. I knew what depression was, but I never knew what it was. While my friends talk I’ll sit idly by and try to fake a half smile. If only they knew how that one night lead to six months of sadness, depression, and despair.

It’s 11:30 pm on a Friday night. As I struggle to make my way across the room the fetch another beer I suddenly hear Chris and Alex call out “Grab me one too bro!” I scoop up three beers, clutching them to my chest. Stumbling back into the living room I toss out the beers. “Nice to see you didn’t drink it all yourself this time.” Shit. I immediately know what’s coming. Before I can even move I feel a wave of sober wash over my body. “I don’t want to drink anymore tonight.” Chris and Alex aren’t listening though, they’ve already busted into the story. I take a seat and brace myself for what’s about to come. “Mother fucker. Why do they always do this to me?” Of course I won’t say anything, I just have to deal with it. It’s been almost a year but as I sit here listening to Alex recounts the time he found my puking in a hallway trash can, I can’t help but feel haunted. Goose bumps run up my spine. Suddenly I feel rushed with emotions. Thoughts of sitting alone in my basement, listening to OneRepublic and wishing away my life comes to mind. I almost feel sick.